The Ballydeelin Research and Development Group are investigating an incident at a recent conference, when their chairman was giving a speech. The opening text in the autocue was replaced by the following words: "And now a pony. Look at the lovely pony. Isn't that a lovely, lovely pony. If you saw that pony on the street now, wouldn't you say that's a lovely pony altogether. Woudn't you love to give that pony a kiss. Go on, give the pony a great big kiss there. Go on. No one's looking. It's such a lovely, lovely pony."

A spokesman for the group said they're taking the incident very seriously, and they fully expect to find the culprits.

We're sad to announce the death of a great local inventor, Stick Gray-Sheehan, who passed away earlier this week, aged ninety-four. Some of his most famous inventions include an abacus operated by a crossbow, and a kitchen that slopes to one side, the direction of the slope determined by shooting lightbulbs. He left behind thousands of blueprints and a dog who knows what Stick said on his deathbed, but he won't tell anyone in case they accuse him of being racist, an accusation often levelled against Stick.

5:59 AM