The Ballydeelin Research and Development Group have recently hired former military personnel. They've been working on Christmas lights that self-destruct in January, so you won't need to take them down. In tests, the lights have taken out the tree as well. They've also created a three-wheeled wheelbarrow that holds up to four Vulcan corpses. For security reasons, they refuse to say what military unit they belonged to.



Ping Hennigen has taken a break from his work on flammable cornflakes to create a robotic kangaroo with three eyes. It spends all of its time wondering why it has three eyes. This is a safety device so it won't spend its time wondering how it's going to kill you.









Ping has been using the kangaroo as a vase.

The cow bulb is Needle Murphy's latest invention. It's designed to capture the methane emitted by cows and ignite it. When the methane rises, it turns the blades of the fan. There are match sticks attached to the ends of the blades. The match will light when it strikes a rough surface and the methane will ignite. Needle has written the following piece to promote his invention:



It has been suggested that methane emissions from cows may be contributing to global warming. My invention will significantly reduce the amount of methane being released into the atmosphere. It will also change the way we see cows, and each other. Why bother with an energy saving light bulb when a cow in your kitchen will provide all the light and milk you need with its emissions. Why bother looking up at the sky at night when you can look out over the fields and see thousands of sparkling lights as the cows digest the grass they eat. The divide between city life and country life will become blurred. Cows will line the streets to provide the lighting. The farmer will become an indispensable member of staff in hotels and office buildings. A similar device is also possible for humans. Our pioneering celebrities will be the first to promote these devices by using them in public. Lighting gaseous emissions will no longer be considered a breach of etiquette at dinner parties. In fact, it would be considered an act of barbarism against the environment to leave emissions un-lit. If the flame can't be used for lighting, then it could be used to toast marshmallows.